Trickster Treat
by Christine M. Greenleaf
Summary: My Halloween story this year :-) Fun abounds in Gotham City when the Trickster and his henchwench Prank show up from Central City in order to enter into some friendly and frightening competition with the Joker and Harley Quinn.
1. Chapter 1

**Trickster Treat**

"All I'm saying is, I'd feel silly having to wear a costume two days outta the year," said Two-Face.

"Are you kidding me?" demanded Poison Ivy. "You wear a costume all the time!"

"This is not a costume, Pam," retorted Two-Face, gesturing at himself. "It is a specially tailored and carefully designed suit based on the finest sketches of Francois DuBois, the premier supervillain tailor in Gotham City and in the world."

"It's a costume, Harvey," snapped Ivy. "I wear a costume, you wear a costume, every supervillain in this miserable town wears a costume, including Batman. It's just the done thing, and there's no reason to feel silly when everyone is doing it."

"Unless my costume is going to be a specially tailored suit, I'm just not that interested in wearing one," retorted Two-Face. "It'll look stupid."

"No, you're the one who's going to look stupid and out of place when everyone else is wearing one," retorted Ivy. "And everyone will be wearing one – cosplay is very popular at these events."

"That sounds like some bizarre sex act that J and Harley would enjoy," muttered Two-Face. "And I still don't see why we have to go to this. These things are all for weird, sad nerds with no social life."

"That's why it's going to be so much fun to go," said Ivy, nodding. "I, for one, am enjoying the thought of tormenting nerds with things they can never have, like an attractive woman. Anyway, I guess we don't have to go to the Comic Con, but we definitely have to go to Harley's Halloween party, and that also requires a costume, so you might as well kill two bats with one rock, as Croc would say."

"Why is Harley doing Halloween this year?" asked Two-Face. "Isn't that usually Scarecrow's thing?"

"It is, but Harley wanted to do it, and all she has to do is bat her eyes at Johnny and he caves like a Chilean mine," retorted Ivy. "And Harley is very excited about doing her Disney Halloween theme, and I, for one, am not going to disappoint her."

"Ok, but since I'm an adult who hasn't watched cartoons since I was five, I'm not even sure what character to go as," retorted Two-Face. "Is there a Disney character with two faces?"

"Not that I know of," said Ivy. "But it's been awhile for me too. I'm just going as my favorite character growing up – a woman who was powerful and badass and took no crap from anyone, and coincidentally also has green skin. I always dreamed of taking petty revenge on people for not inviting me to parties too. She was unashamedly the Mistress of All Evil, and proud to announce it. I was just really inspired by her as a child."

"Well, I guess I'll have to spend some time on Google," sighed Two-Face. "But I'm only wearing a costume to the Halloween party – if we are going to this Comic Con, I'm going in my usual clothes."

"I guess it works," sighed Ivy. "People are just going to think you're dressed up as a very realistic Two-Face. At least you don't have to make an effort, and I guess I don't either, but I actually enjoy wearing costumes."

"I think those kinds of things take away from your core message," retorted Two-Face. "How can anyone take you seriously if you're dressed like a lunatic? It's a fine way to get attention, but nobody is going to listen to what anyone says in a costume with any degree of respect. Look at the Joker."

"Does J have a message?" asked Ivy. "I think his costume pretty much sums him up – he's a dumb clown and everything he says and does is silly and unimportant. He deserves to be laughed at. Same goes for Batman – he's an adult who thinks criminals are frightened by a guy in a bat costume. He's as much of a clown as J, and that pretty much sums up who he is."

"I guess," agreed Two-Face. "But I still don't like costumes."

"You don't have to like them – you just have to wear one," retorted Ivy. "I'm not accompanying you to the party if you're going to ruin it by acting like a square. And I wouldn't be surprised if Harley didn't let you in without a costume."

"Joker definitely wouldn't," sighed Two-Face. "But it's just so stupid."

"Well, you can spend Halloween at the party and maybe come back here afterward to get tangled in some thorns by the Mistress of All Evil, or you can not go to the party and spend Halloween alone at yours, flipping your coin to decide if you're going to hand out candy to the random children who stumble upon your hideout," retorted Ivy. "The choice is yours, Harvey."

Two-Face sighed, pulling out his coin. "I need to flip for it, of course," he said. "But I'm certainly leaning toward the handing out candy direction…"

The coin landed bad side up. "Or the party direction – that's good too," muttered Two-Face. "I guess I better go improvise a costume."

"Harley said that the characters we choose have to be, and I quote, 'as close as possible to you in personality and appearance'," said Ivy, reading the invitation. "That could be interesting – self-evaluation is not a strong suit of a lot of our associates. It'll probably be pretty entertaining to see how people see themselves."

"Maybe that's why Harley's doing it, as a psychological experiment," said Two-Face. "You can take the clown outta the shrink, but you can't take the shrink outta the clown, I guess."

"Or Harley just sees herself as a Disney princess and wants to wear a pretty dress," said Ivy. "That sounds more like her. I'm betting she relates most to Cinderella, the emotionally abused submissive whose one ambition in life is to go to a dance with a prince."

"That would make Joker a prince, which he definitely is not," retorted Two-Face. "But then again, I don't think he sees himself as that, so according to Harley's guidelines, he can't be that."

"Yeah, J's the type who's gonna follow guidelines," said Ivy, rolling her eyes. "He'll do what he wants, as usual. But you're right – I can't see him ever portraying himself as Prince Charming, although I guess there is kinda a joke in that."

"Do you know why he suggested going to this Comic Con in the first place?" asked Two-Face. "Is he going to attack it somehow?"

"Probably," said Ivy. "It wouldn't be a day out with J if it didn't end with hundreds of people dying in pain and fear. But as for what specific joke he's got planned for it, your guess is as good as mine. As I said, I'm going for the entertainment value of tormenting nerds. I'm sure Harley and J have their own reasons for going. Maybe they're hoping to pick up some collectibles, or meet some comic book creators, or maybe kill one of them who slighted them somehow. You remember that time J found the guy who wrote that story where he cut his face off, and then made him cut his own face off to see how he liked it?"

"Yeah, or that time Harley found that woman who designed her costume in that movie and made her wear those stiletto heels and then do some acrobatics in 'em," said Two-Face, nodding. "She broke both her ankles trying, as I recall, as well as her neck when she landed on it. J thought it was hilarious."

"I guess I can't blame them for defending their reputations – that's all some of us have got," sighed Ivy. "Anyway, I'm going to do some shopping. You should find a character to dress up as and join me. We can go out for dinner afterward."

"You mean like a date?" asked Two-Face.

"No, not like a date," snapped Ivy. "Like two people going out for dinner that might end with sex."

"So…a date," repeated Two-Face.

"A date implies that we are dating, which we are not," retorted Ivy. "Dates are a tool of the patriarchy to encourage monogamy and possession of the female form, a value of the old system of courtship designed by male masters. We're just friends with benefits, which is a symbol of freedom and equality and female liberation."

"O…K," said Two-Face, nodding slowly. "So you don't want me to pay?"

"No, you can do that," said Ivy.

"So you're only a fan of feminism when it benefits you?" asked Two-Face.

"Of course, Harvey," she retorted. "Anyway, it's not strictly feminism. Feminism is about equality, but I'm about female superiority. We're better than you, and we should always get benefits."

"At least you're honest," sighed Two-Face. "But it's really not up to me if I pay - I'll have to flip the coin when the check comes."

"Fine," sighed Ivy. "I should have chosen a more decisive friend with benefits," she muttered, heading off to get her purse.


	2. Chapter 2

Harley Quinn raced to the door as the doorbell rang, squealing in excitement. "Oooh, the party guests are here! I can't wait to see what costume everyone picked!"

"Harley, you still haven't finished with me yet!" shouted Joker. "I'm not going to greet guests in an incomplete costume – that would look horribly tacky!"

"The dye's in your hair, Mr. J – just rub it in!" called Harley. "I ain't gonna be a bad host and stand up the guests just because you're being a perfectionist with your costume! I got my hair and makeup done hours ago!"

"Well, unlike some of us, I have a job!" snapped Joker. "So I don't have time to waste all day prettying myself up like you, you lazy dame!"

"You can draw up your plans for the Bat and get ready for the party at the same time, y'know!" snapped Harley.

"That would end in a crossover nobody wants to see," said Joker. "The Batman/Disney crossover, which becomes more likely with each passing year that the Mouse expands its entertainment empire. I mean, I'm not saying it'll be a disaster, and frankly I'd leap at the chance to perform a good Disney villain song, but I just don't think the world is ready for it yet…"

"Oh my gosh, look at you guys!" exclaimed Harley, as she opened the door to Poison Ivy and Two-Face. "Red, I had guessed Maleficent for you, and I'm glad that I know you well enough to have predicted that," she said, hugging Ivy tightly. "You look amazing! And Harvey, you're an actual genius!" she exclaimed, beaming as Two-Face twisted the mask he was wearing around from a sad face to a happy one. "I never would have thought of the Mayor of Halloweentown for you, but it works perfectly! Much better than my guess of Prince Hans from _Frozen_ , who's metaphorically two-faced."

"I haven't seen _Frozen_ ," said Two-Face. "And I've never really seen myself as a Disney prince, but I am an elected official who can't make decisions by myself."

"Yeah, it's perfect!" exclaimed Harley, beaming. "C'mon in, you two, and have some candy!"

"You're not Cinderella, Harley?" asked Ivy. "I would have guessed that one for you, but you're wearing a pink ballgown, not a blue one."

"Nah, Cinderella's patient and kind and puts up with a lotta crap without fighting back," retorted Harley, shaking her head. "That ain't like me at all. If Mr. J tells me to do something I don't wanna do, I let him know I don't wanna do it, either by shouting at him or beating him, so I didn't think I'd work for her. Plus I can't talk to mice and all."

"That's…true," agreed Ivy, slowly. "So…which princess are you?"

Harley giggled. "I ain't a real princess, Red," she said. "I'm Charlotte La Bouff from _The Princess and the Frog_!"

They both stared blankly at her. "Aw, c'mon, you ain't seen _The Princess and the Frog_?" demanded Harley.

"Did it come out recently?" asked Two-Face. "Because I was saying to Pam, I haven't really watched Disney since I became an adult…"

"It came out in the last decade, yeah, but it's a good movie whatever your age!" snapped Harley. "You watch it and you'll see how much she resembles me, except for the whole obsessed with marrying a prince thing. But if you replace the prince obsession with Mr. J, then yeah, we're basically identical, except for the growing up rich, and the accent. She's got a Louisiana one, and mine's obviously from Brooklyn, but these comparisons don't have to be perfect…"

There was a knock on the door and Harley cut herself off mid-sentence with a squeal of excitement, racing toward it. "That'll be more guests with more great costumes! Oh," she said, opening the door and dropping her smile. "Or sorta predictable costumes, I guess."

"I like _The Aristocats,_ what can I say?" asked Selina Kyle, entering the room in a white catsuit with a gold collar around her neck. "And I'm obviously Duchess, the refined and ladylike cat who's still up for a good time with a low brow guy."

"Yeah, but you've clearly just painted your catsuit and added white ears," said Harley. "It's not exactly a lotta effort, Selina."

"I didn't think that was the point," retorted Selina, as she began grooming herself. "Anyway, I'm only here for the candy."

"Well, at least Scarface and Arnie made an effort," said Harley, as Scarface and the Ventriloquist followed her inside. "I love the Pinocchio and Gepetto thing they got going on. And even Croc's more inventive than you, Selina," said Harley, as Killer Croc followed her inside. "He's got the clock and everything to be the crocodile from _Peter Pan_."

"The what now?" asked Croc, looking confused. "I just found this clock thing on the doorstep and thought I'd bring it in."

"Aw geez, it's another damn bomb," sighed Harley, taking it from him and calmly tossing it out the window. It exploded and Harley didn't even flinch, shouting, "Mr. J! There was another bombing attempt on our hideout!"

"I heard, Harl," said Joker, entering the room at that moment. "We really need to figure out who keeps doing that – is there anyone you didn't invite to the party who might be sore about it?"

"Well, now that I think about it, I'm not sure I invited Croc," said Harley, nodding at him. "But good for you for showing up anyway – the more the merrier, as Mr. J would say," she added, clapping him on the back. "Have some candy."

"Who are you supposed to be, J?" asked Selina, looking from his black toga to his dyed blue hair.

"Isn't it obvious?" retorted Joker, smoothing back his hair. "See, I told you it wouldn't be obvious, Harley!" he snapped, rounding on her.

"That's because you haven't said any of the lines, puddin'," retorted Harley.

"No, that's because you wouldn't let me set my hair on fire like I wanted to," retorted Joker.

"You're not setting your hair on fire, puddin' – it's not gonna end well!" snapped Harley.

"Why am I more dedicated to the theme of this party than you when you're the one who picked it?" demanded Joker.

"Just say a line, puddin'!" snapped Harley.

"Nobody has fed me a line, and I'm not just gonna say a line randomly like a crazy person!" snapped Joker. "What kinda unprofessional performer do you take me for?"

Their argument was interrupted by another knock on the door. "Pengers, you look terrific!" exclaimed Harley, opening the door to reveal the Penguin dressed in a red striped jacket and straw hat.

"Thank you, Harley," said Penguin, smiling at her. "While I don't personally relate that much to Bert from _Mary Poppins,_ I couldn't resist the homage to his dancing with penguins routine. I can certainly do a much better cockney accent than him, for one. But _Mary Poppins_ was one of the few films my parents allowed me to watch as a child, from behind the bars of my cage, of course, but it nevertheless conjures up fond memories for me."

"How sentimental," said Joker. "You know, I haven't been this choked up since I got a hunk of moussaka caught in my throat, huh?"

Everyone just looked at him. "So is this an audience or a mosaic?" continued Joker, beaming at them. His smile gradually fell. "C'mon, nobody gets who I'm meant to be?! That's it, I'm setting my hair on fire!" he snapped, storming out of the room.

"Puddin', don't!" began Harley, about to chase after him, when there was a knock on the door again. "Oh my God, Johnny, look at you!" exclaimed Harley, opening the door to reveal Jonathan Crane dressed in a long, red robe with horns coming out of the hood, and skeleton-like face and hands. "That must have taken hours for you to do!"

"Actually, it wasn't too difficult to modify one of my scarecrow looks to be a little more skeletal," said Crane. "But I'm glad you're pleased, Harley."

"I sure am – Johnny wins the costume contest so far, everyone!" announced Harley. "He gets an A+ for effort!"

"Who are you supposed to be though?" asked Poison Ivy.

"I'm the Horned King," replied Crane.

Everyone stared blankly at him. "The Horned King," repeated Crane. "The antagonist in _The Black Cauldron_."

Everyone continued to stare at him. "I don't know if I've heard of that movie, Johnny – I definitely haven't seen it," said Harley at last. "Does it have any songs in it I would know?"

"It doesn't have songs," retorted Crane. "Which is why it was my favorite, and the Horned King was my favorite character. His goal was to create an army of the dead with the help of the magic black cauldron…"

"Hey, I didn't know _He-Man_ was a Disney property," said Joker, re-entering the room at that moment with a box of matches. "But that's an awesome Skeletor costume, Johnny, I gotta admit."

"Who on earth is Skeletor?" asked Crane. "And who on earth are you supposed to be?"

"By the power of Grayskull, you'll see in a second," said Joker as he lit a match. Harley leaped forward, grappling with him to get the match out of his hand.

"Where's Jervis?" asked Ivy, ignoring the fight and turning to Crane.

"He'll be along shortly – there was only room for one of us in the taxi with my horns and all," said Crane. "And I certainly wasn't driving in this costume - imagine if I got pulled over."

"Are you two joining us at this upcoming Comic Con?" asked Ivy. "I would assume that kinda thing would be right up your alley."

"I'll try not to be insulted by that, Pamela," replied Crane, taking a drink from the table. "I'm an intellectual, not some pathetic comic-book fan. But yes, I don't see any reason why we shouldn't be going."

"You don't know why J wants to go, do you?" asked Two-Face. "I was just kinda surprised he suggested it – he's never shown any interest in tormenting nerds in particular before."

"Maybe not towards you he hasn't," retorted Crane. "Anyway, who knows why Joker does anything? Probably not even Harley, although I know she wouldn't like to admit it."

"Just give me the matches, Mr. J!" shrieked Harley, ripping the box out of Joker's hands. "Before you set the whole hideout on fire, and do the mysterious bomber's work for them! You don't need your hair on fire for people to get your costume – he's Hades, everyone!" she announced. "Hades from _Hercules_!"

"Who has flaming blue hair, which obviously none of you would get without my hair actually being set on fire," said Joker. "Harley said she wanted us to dedicate ourselves to being as close as possible to our characters in personality and appearance, and I'm just trying to respect her wishes for once, and you see how violently she opposes that!"

"I'm afraid I haven't seen Disney's _Hercules,_ but considering Hades in Greek mythology was one of the more normal and humane gods, I'm afraid you're woefully miscast," said Crane.

"But he was super devoted and madly in love with his wife Persephone," reminded Harley. "Just like Mr. J's super devoted and madly in love with me," she cooed, kissing his cheek.

"Yes, of course, the parallel is obvious now," said Crane, rolling his eyes.

There was another knock on the door. "That'll be Jervis," said Crane, heading over to open the door.

"Ahoy hoy, everyone," said Jervis Tetch, entering dressed in clothing which was almost identical to his everyday wear. "Happy Halloween…"

"Jervis, you could have at least made an effort on your costume!" interrupted Harley, angrily.

Tetch was taken aback. "I don't understand…I'm the Mad Hatter, so I just tweaked my usual attire to resemble the Disney cartoon version…"

"Yeah, and it's a cop out," said Joker, nodding. "I agree with Harley – you get zero points for effort, and frankly I'm not sure you should even be allowed to attend this party with an attitude like that. Everyone else made an effort, as you can see."

"It doesn't look like Croc did," said Tetch.

"Yeah, well, he's Croc, what are you gonna do?" demanded Joker. "But you're meant to be Mr. Genius, and you come here without a costume?"

"Technically he is wearing a costume, because we all do every day, as I said," repeated Ivy.

"I'm sorry – I thought I was following the guidelines," said Tetch. "I already identify as this character who I believe resembles me in both appearance and personality, so I assumed that's who you were expecting me to be. I didn't realize it had to be a different character than the one I regularly identify as, and nor was that written anywhere in the guidelines."

"Well, you better make an effort at Comic Con, then," sniffed Harley. "Honestly, I thought if any crowd could do good costumes, it would be our crowd, Mr. J. But they still seem to disappoint me."

"They do that, Harl – they're a regular bunch of losers," agreed Joker, nodding.

"Always nice to be invited to a party and then insulted," sighed Selina.

"Hey, I know what'll cheer you up, pooh," said Joker, smiling at Harley. "Why don't I get my secret stash of fireworks and set some off for you?"

"Aw, you're so thoughtful, Mr. J," sighed Harley. "You always know how to cheer me up when I'm down."

"I sure do, toots," agreed Joker. "But I'm gonna need those matches back to set off the fireworks."

Harley nodded, handing the matches to him. "Sucker, I'm using it on my hair!" shouted Joker, lighting one hurriedly and then applying it to his scalp before anyone could stop him.

As was perhaps inevitable, the rest of the party was canceled in the chaos of Harley screaming at Joker while chasing him around with a fire extinguisher. As Ivy and Two-Face fled the scene, they could only hope that Comic Con would be more enjoyable for everyone involved. They were going to be severely disappointed.


	3. Chapter 3

"I'm glad you saw sense in the end, Pam," said Two-Face, as they joined the giant crowd at the back of the line to enter the convention center. "It's always better to be yourself than to wear some silly costume."

"For the last time, we all wear costumes all the time," snapped Ivy. "But after that fiasco at the Halloween party, I can only hope that Joker also saw sense and is attending this thing as himself rather than as a character that involves fire."

"I think hoping for the Joker to see sense is like hoping for Batman to take a night off," retorted Two-Face. "They're both equally unlikely scenarios. Geez, I didn't expect this thing to be so crowded," he added, just noticing the length of the line in front of him. "Should we have got tickets?"

"Are you kidding me?" demanded Ivy. "I'm not paying good money to hang out with a bunch of losers for the day! Anyway, they should let celebrity guests in for free."

"Do you seriously think anyone is going to recognize us for who we are?" asked Two-Face. "There are all kinds of weirdos in costumes here, and some of them aren't bad. That guy over there looks like he spent a lot of time and money making a really authentic Batman costume."

"It might actually be Batman, I guess," said Ivy, studying him. "Not quite jacked enough, though."

"I'm sure you've studied the real Batman enough times to know that," muttered Two-Face.

"Don't be jealous – he's a well-built guy," snapped Ivy. "And I'm a free woman who can check out whoever I want. Anyway, it would be odd for the real Batman to be at one of these. I'm sure he has better things to do with his time."

"I'm sure he thinks we do too," retorted Two-Face. "And yet, here we are."

"Hey, there you two losers are!" exclaimed a familiar voice, as the Joker and Harley Quinn joined the line next to them. Joker was wearing his usual purple suit, while Harley had decided to dress more casually, wearing a sundress with her trademark red and black diamond pattern. "It was hard to spot you with so many other losers around," continued Joker, smiling at them.

"Hey, no cuts!" snapped the man behind them.

Joker turned to confront him. "What the hell are you supposed to be?" he demanded.

"Isn't it obvious?" retorted the man, gesturing to the _Damaged_ tattoo on his forehead. "I'm the Joker."

"No, you ain't," retorted Joker. "Say whatever the hell you want about me, but I have a sense of fashion and style, and I would rather get a lobotomy before I get a forehead tattoo. That's something people always seem to overlook about my character these days – I'm a fantastic dresser."

"You sure are, puddin'," purred Harley, kissing his cheek. "But I prefer it when you ain't dressed at all."

"And who the hell are you supposed to be?" demanded the man, looking at Harley.

"I'm Harley Quinn, the Joker's loyal and loving girlfriend," retorted Harley. "Obviously."

"You look nothing like her," snapped the man. "You're not pale enough, and you don't have enough tattoos. And where's your pink and blue hair?"

"My what?" asked Harley, confused.

"You idiot – everyone knows Harley Quinn has black and red hair, and has moved on from being the Joker's abused little slave," spoke up a woman behind him. "She's a strong, independent woman now who dates whoever she wants."

"The hell she is!" snapped Joker. "I think you're getting her confused with her pal, the Weed, who sleeps with anything that moves, including plant-life!"

"Nah, but Harley and Ivy are dating, though," said the woman.

"Now that I have no objection to," said Joker.

Harley elbowed him angrily, as Ivy muttered, "Not if you paid me a million dollars – I don't know where else the clown has been except all over her."

"I don't know why you two would want to glorify the Joker and Harley's problematic relationship by dressing up as them anyway," continued the woman. "Romanticizing them in that way is dangerous because it encourages others to seek out horrible relationships with criminal lunatics. Frankly, it makes me sick to think about it."

"Aw, then you definitely won't wanna see us make out," said Joker, smiling at her. "Because like it or not, toots, she's mine for good," he added, sliding an arm around Harley's waist.

"I sure am, puddin'," purred Harley, cuddling him. "My murderous, manipulative, irredeemable angel."

Joker and Harley kept their tongues down the other's throat until the woman who had been criticizing them stormed off. Then Joker pushed Harley away, smiling smugly.

"Aw, c'mon, Mr. J, we don't need to stop just because the freak is gone," said Harley, attempting to pull him down to her again.

"No, Harley, the fun is over," retorted Joker. "Public displays of affection are only fun if they annoy people, you know that."

"Good morning, everyone," said Jonathan Crane, as he and Jervis Tetch joined the group.

"Oooh, the fun is back!" exclaimed Joker, grabbing Harley again suddenly.

"Hey, no cuts!" repeated the man behind them. Joker ripped out his gun and shot him in the face, and then went back to making out with Harley.

"That's an interesting outfit, Jervis," commented Ivy, studying his checkered suit, long coat, fedora, and long rainbow scarf. "Not one of your usual suits, is it?"

"No, I understood we were all supposed to wear costumes to this," said Tetch. "And since I got such a scathing reception at the Halloween party, I determined to make it up to you all by dressing up for this."

"And who exactly are you supposed to be?" asked Two-Face.

Tetch smiled. "Who, indeed," he replied. "Jelly baby?" he asked, reaching into his pocket and offering them a bag of candy.

"Who's Jelly Baby?" asked Ivy, puzzled.

"No, a Jelly Baby is a type of gummy candy in Britain of which my character is very fond," snapped Tetch.

"Is this the candy that makes you grow or shrink?" asked Two-Face. "Because I'll pass."

"It's not from the Lewis Carroll novels!" exclaimed Tetch. "This is a costume, not my persona! I'm the Fourth Doctor!"

"The fourth doctor of what?" asked Two-Face.

"It's some TV show, apparently," said Crane. "Science fiction, I believe."

"It's _Dr. Who_ , you morons," retorted Ivy. "It's a really famous British TV show from the 60s that's still running today."

"You're a fan, Pamela?" asked Tetch, surprised and pleased to find an ally.

"No, I just know she's a woman now, which is great," replied Ivy. "I would never actually watch anything like that, though - I'm not a nerd."

"Speaking of nerds, what are we all doing here?" asked Two-Face. "J, what's the plan? J?" he repeated, tapping him on the shoulder as Harley batted Two-Face's hand away irritably.

"What's that, Harv?" asked Joker, breaking away from Harley and turning to Two-Face.

"I asked what we're doing here," said Two-Face. "What's the scheme?"

"No scheme, Harvey," replied Joker, smiling. "There's just someone here I want to meet."

"By meet, you mean kill, right?" asked Ivy.

"No, I mean meet," retorted Joker. "What is wrong with you people, assuming everything has to be violence with me? There's more to my life than just playing cruel and murderous jokes on people, you know."

"Is there?" asked Two-Face, genuinely surprised.

"Are you sure?" pressed Crane, skeptically.

"Puddin's a great guy with a lotta hidden depths," retorted Harley. "It's only shallow people who think the psychopathic clown persona is all he's got. He's a sweet, sensitive, loving, caring individual with a lot of deep and varied interests."

"I sure am, pooh," agreed Joker, as the line began to move forward and into the convention center.

"Tickets, please," said the attendant.

Joker turned and sprayed a cloud of Joker toxin from his flower into the man's face, and continued, completely unfazed, as the man fell to the ground, laughing himself to death, "In fact, I consider myself a bit of a fanboy, and someone I'm a big fan of is here at this thing."

"Batman's here?" asked Two-Face, and Ivy snorted laughter.

"Maybe," said Joker, shrugging. "But that's not who I'm talking about. The guy I want to meet is over there," he added, pointing at an even longer line which appeared to take up most of the hall. It was so long that nobody could even see who was at the end of it, but Joker strode over to it, whistling to himself.

"Scuse me, pardon me, VIP coming through," he said, shoving himself towards the front of the line despite protest.

"Sir, can I see your VIP badge?" asked an attendant, stepping in front of him.

"Right here, sport," said Joker, pulling out a Joker playing card.

"You're funny," said the attendant, sarcastically.

"I am," agreed Joker. "I'm such a card," he added, throwing the card into the man's face, where it exploded. "Anyone else?" he asked, turning to face the line, which instantly parted for him. "Thank you," he said with a smile, heading to the front.

"That's a neat trick, pal, but you're not cutting in front of me," said someone just before Joker reached the front. "I've been waiting all day to see this guy, and I'm not moving for anyone."

"Well, I think the joke's gonna be on you…" began Joker, turning to him, but his jaw suddenly dropped in astonishment. "Tricky?" he asked.

"J-man?" said the man who had spoken, who was dressed in a multicolored unitard with bright, rainbow hair. "Oh my God, it's really you!" he exclaimed, leaping forward to hug him. Joker returned the hug, beaming at the Trickster.

"I didn't know you were a fanboy too," he said, smiling at him.

"Oh yeah, from way back," agreed Trickster, nodding. "You should ask Prank here – I've been wanting to meet him since forever."

"Since about 1990," replied the woman accompanying him, also dressed in a multicolored unitard. "So basically as long as we've been together."

"And sometimes that seems like forever, lemme tell ya!" chuckled Trickster. Joker laughed too, in an almost identical fashion.

"Guys, get over here!" he called. "Harley, you remember the Trickster and Prank?"

"Yeah," muttered Harley, scowling at them. "The copycat, inferior versions of us from Central City."

"Jesus, you're right," said Ivy, staring at the couple. "How horrifying."

"He's even copied Mr. J's voice too," said Harley.

"This is my voice, and I had it before him," retorted Trickster.

"No, you didn't," said Joker.

"Yeah, I did," said Trickster.

"I'm older than you, and I had this voice first," retorted Joker.

"You may be older than me, but I had this voice first," retorted Trickster.

"That doesn't make any sense," said Crane.

"Welcome to my world!" chuckled Trickster.

"Have you seriously been waiting in this line all day?" asked Joker. "Why didn't you just kill some randomers so you'd be able to go first?"

"Well, I know my buddy Flash isn't a fan of the whole killing thing," said Trickster, shrugging. "And I don't think his buddy Batman would like it either. And ever since my pal Flash gave me some new medication, it's really helped with any homicidal urges I have. Wanna try it?" he asked, holding out a bottle of pills.

Joker stared at him, and then batted the pills out of his hand and onto the ground. "How could you let him do this to you, Tricky?" he demanded. "The homicidal urges make us who we are – they're all we have!" Joker grabbed him by the shoulders and slapped him hard. "Now wake up and get murderous!"

"Don't you dare hit him!" shrieked Prank, leaping forward.

"No, Prank, it's ok," said Trickster, restraining her. "He's right, and I do sorta…feel better now. I mean, I feel more like myself."

"Damn straight you do," said Joker. "There's always gonna be doctors and superheroes trying to change us, but don't you let 'em, Tricky. We are who we are, and what we are is gloriously insane. You let them destroy that, and you let them destroy us. And I ain't gonna let that happen, not to my buddy Trickster."

"You're a real pal, Joker," said Trickster, embracing him again. "I can't thank you enough. Now let's cut the rest of this line," he chuckled, taking out a knife.

"Nice one, Trick," chuckled Joker, as they pushed their way to the front.

"Oh my God, there he is!" squealed Trickster, as they reached the celebrity. "I'm actually shaking! I'm such a big fan - _Corvette Summer_ is like my favorite movie…"

"And of course I'm a big _Star Wars_ fan, who isn't, but your voice-work is where you really shine," agreed Joker, nodding. "You're basically more me than me, and that's a difficult thing to accomplish. Could you do me? Sorry, that came out wrong – I mean, could you do a line in my voice? Maybe my eulogy for Batman – I love that one, and I know you do too. If you signed my forehead, I would actually consider getting a forehead tattoo, that's how big a fan I am, Mark. Can I call you Mark?"

Harley watched starstruck Joker fawn over the celebrity for a moment, and then turned to glare at Prank. "Now that he's met him, you two better get the hell back to where you came from ASAP," she muttered. "I don't want you polluting my town – we got enough freaks and weirdos as it is here."

"Clearly," retorted Prank, glaring back at her. "And don't worry. We think this place is a dump, and my baby's eager to get back to fight Flash as soon as he can. He has a scheme planned for this evening involving exploding pumpkins."

"Sounds like he's copying Red now," said Harley. "She did that one to try to kill Batman a while back."

"Yeah, I almost got 'im," sighed Ivy. "I might recycle that scheme for this Halloween…"

"Oh no you don't, Pamela," interrupted Crane. "Halloween is my holiday, and my time to trap Batman, we all know that."

"You don't own the holiday," retorted Ivy. "I can do whatever I want, because I'm a free woman, and that includes trying to kill Batman whenever I want."

"No, Harley took the Halloween party away from me – I'm not letting you take the actual holiday away from me," snapped Crane. "It is my night to try to kill Batman, and you're not going to distract him from my scheme."

"You don't scare me, Crane," snapped Ivy. "I'll do whatever I want whenever I want, and if that includes trying to kill Batman on Halloween, then that's what I'm gonna do."

"Over my dead body," retorted Crane.

"That can be arranged," retorted Ivy.

"Maybe you could both try to kill him…" began Two-Face.

"My roommate can control your mind, you know," interrupted Crane.

"Well, he's not here," retorted Ivy, folding her arms across her chest.

Crane turned to see that she was right. "Dammit, where did he go?" he muttered. "Jervis?" he called. "Jervis, it's very difficult to threaten people with mind control if you're not here!"

"I'm sorry, Jonathan – I didn't bring any of my hat cards anyway," said Tetch, reappearing and popping some Jelly Babies into his mouth. "Though I should have – they have several versions of the Doctor here signing autographs. Can you imagine what it would be like to control the minds of Timelords?"

"They're not really Timelords, you know," said Crane.

"How do you know?" asked Tetch.

"Because Timelords aren't real!" snapped Crane.

"Fiction can be very real," replied Tetch. "And science fiction imagines the very real possibilities of the future. And who's to say what's real and what's fiction anyway? In fiction, anything is possible, and therefore I don't think we can dismiss the possibility that those people are real Timelords."

"Yeah, he's a genius," said Ivy, rolling her eyes. "I'm not afraid of him either."

"You're not taking Halloween away from me!" snapped Crane. "It's mine!"

"Great news, guys!" exclaimed the Joker, as he and Trickster came over to them. "Mark said we could call him Mark, and he's just as nice as you think he's going to be in person! And I've managed to talk Tricky here into staying for Halloween! I'm sure he and I can come up with some fun schemes for the Bat and his super-pals together!"

"No, you can't!" roared Crane. "But fine! Fine! I'll just have to beat you all to killing Batman if you won't respect time-honored traditions like Halloween being my holiday!"

"I think the least you can do is be generous and share when we have guests from out of town, Johnny," retorted Joker. "We need to show them what Gotham hospitality is like."

"So we should mug them in an alley or something, right?" asked Two-Face.

Prank laughed. "Sounds about right for this hellhole," she agreed.

"Hey, don't flirt with him, inferior Harley!" snapped Ivy.

"I wasn't flirting," retorted Prank. "I would never flirt with anyone but my Trickster."

"She's not an inferior Harley – she's nothing like Harley," snapped Crane. "Harley is much more attractive, for one thing."

"Thanks, Johnny," said Harley, beaming at him.

"You're gonna talk to me about attractive, sack-face?" demanded Prank.

"Oooh, she's got you there!" chuckled Joker. "But this convention seems like your kinda place, Johnny - maybe you could hook up with one of these fat Harleys walking around."

"Don't body shame, you creep!" snapped Ivy.

"I'm not shaming 'em - I'm saying Craney has a shot with 'em, which he won't ever have with real Harley," retorted Joker.

"He wouldn't want a shot with real me, Mr. J," said Harley.

"That's right, I wouldn't," said Crane, hastily. "I'm merely defending her honor when she's being insulted, which is actually what you should be doing as her boyfriend, Joker."

"I'm not gonna start a fight for no reason," retorted Joker.

"Seems a little outta character for you," commented Two-Face.

"Look, let's all just calm down and quit with the petty sniping," continued Joker. "I know we've all had an exciting morning meeting Mark and all, and our emotions are high, but we need to show our guests the best Gotham City has to offer. So who's up for lunch at the Iceberg Lounge? I mean, it's not really the best, but it's cheap."

"No, I have a Halloween scheme to prepare," snapped Crane. "Good day to you all. Come along, Jervis," he said, grabbing his arm and dragging him off.

"And I have a Halloween scheme to prepare," said Ivy. "Come on, Harvey," she said, grabbing his arm and dragging him off.

"All right, guess it's a double date!" chuckled Joker, putting an arm around Harley. "Unless Mark wants to come – I'll ask him!"

He raced off with Trickster right behind him, leaving Harley and Prank alone to glare at each other in hatred. "Well, gee, I sure hope your little Halloween plans don't end with you getting hurt," said Harley, lightly.

"Likewise," retorted Prank. "God knows it'd be a shame. Where would the Joker ever find another annoying little brat?"

"Where would the Trickster ever find another loose floozy?" asked Harley. "Maybe he could just go back to that first Prank he had – Megan, wasn't it?"

"Don't say her name!" shrieked Prank, leaping onto Harley and trying to throttle her. "I hate that name!"

"Ladies, ladies, let's not fight in front of Mark!" exclaimed Trickster, rushing over. "We don't want him to have a bad impression of us!"

"I really have to apologize for the kid," said Joker, escorting the celebrity over. "She isn't always on her best behavior when she should be, but I'll beat her for it later, don't you worry. That's the way to keep dames in line, as I'm sure you know. Anyway, did you know the word 'Arkham' is actually in your name? It was destiny that brought us together, pal, and we're still going strong after twenty-five years with no end in sight…"

Harley followed them all out of the convention center, hoping that Batman would put a stop to this Trickster visit sooner rather than later. She too was going to be severely disappointed.


	4. Chapter 4

"Just listen to him! Isn't he great?" exclaimed Joker, as he and Trickster sat playing a video game together.

"Yeah, he's got you down," agreed Trickster, nodding. "The guy who voices Batman has got him down too."

"He does, doesn't he?" asked Joker. "You know, normally I'm very protective of people impersonating Bats, but I'll let Kevin slide because he just gets him. I'm sure Batsy approves too."

"Is this all we're going to do today?" demanded Harley Quinn, entering the room with a tray of snacks. "Sit around and play video games? Again?"

"I just enjoy watching my Trickster enjoying himself," sighed Prank, who was draped over Trickster. "As long as he's happy, I'm happy."

"And I'd be happy with a lot less of your nagging," agreed Joker, not taking his eyes off the screen.

"Women, what are you gonna do?" sighed Trickster, grabbing the plate of snacks from Harley.

"All I'm saying is I'm a little tired of being cooped up in the hideout, and I'm sure Bats is also feeling ignored," said Harley. "It's been three days without you causing trouble out in Gotham – I'm sure he's wondering where you are."

"I thought Johnny and Pammie were vying for his attention," said Joker, taking the bowl of popcorn from Trickster. "I'm sure he's not feeling neglected."

"Yeah, but you of all people know that Johnny and Red just ain't got your style, or your flair for crime, and they just don't get Bats the way you do," continued Harley. "I'm sure fighting them is fine for him, but he's feeling like something's missing. He's got an itch that only you can scratch."

"That's true," agreed Joker. "Batsy and I have got a special and unique relationship."

"Probably like me and Flash," said Trickster. "You know, he's got lots of other enemies in Central City, but there's just this connection between the two of us. I mean, he's got a sense of humor too, so I think we bond over that."

"With Batsy and me, it's less obvious similarities," said Joker. "And people probably think we're more different than alike, but the truth is we're almost identical. I mean, I'm better looking, of course, and I don't have his silly objections to killing people, and I'm, y'know, happy. But we both have obsessive personalities – we just obsess over different things. And one day he's gonna snap just like me, you mark my words. I just have to keep pushing."

"Which you're not doing sitting on the couch playing video games," finished Harley. "Now c'mon, Mr. J. You've had a nice break, but you really don't want Bats to get lonely, do ya?"

"Nah, I guess I couldn't do that to the poor guy," sighed Joker, putting down the controller. "Lemme just go get dressed and we'll head out."

He left the room with Harley smiling after him. "See, I was a shrink," she said, taking his seat next to Trickster and smiling at Prank. "Which sometimes comes in handy for getting my man to do the things I want him to do."

"I don't need to play silly games like that with my man," retorted Prank.

"Games aren't silly, Prank," snapped Trickster. "Honestly, you've been with me for how long and you don't get that? At least Harley understands J's love of fun and games."

"I understand that too, honey," said Prank. "I'm just saying I don't manipulate you the way Joker's girl does, and isn't that nice of me?"

"It's not because you're nice, it's because you're probably not as smart as her," sighed Trickster. "I mean, she was a doctor, Prank – that's pretty impressive, you've gotta admit."

"Probably got that way by sleeping her way through school," muttered Prank.

"Don't confuse me with yourself, sweetheart," retorted Harley. "Of the two of us, you're the one who's slept your way to the top, which is probably the only reason you're with Trickster, for his fame and notoriety, such as it is. I mean, why else would you date a guy who dresses like that?"

"Mark said he liked my outfit," retorted Trickster. "And if Mark likes it, that's all that matters."

"Ok, so I'm thinking some kinda amusement park plot," said Joker, re-entering the room in his purple suit. "Maybe with a funhouse hall of mirrors, something that's still a joke theme, but has an interesting subtext if you're the kinda nerd who wants to analyze jokes. What do you think, Tricky?"

"I'm up for anything," said Trickster. "But Gotham City does seem to have an unusual number of abandoned amusement parks, so maybe we should take advantage of that."

"Yeah, they keep building amusement parks, and then some handsome maniac mysteriously sabotages them, and lots of people get hurt in apparent accidents," sighed Joker. "You'd think people would learn, but on the plus side, it does give me a lot of places to hang out."

"And lots of places for apparent accidents to occur," added Prank lightly, glancing at Harley.

"Try it, toots," retorted Harley. "Mr. J always calls me an accident waiting to happen, so I ain't afraid of any accidents you can cause. And speaking of afraid, maybe we can still go with the amusement park idea, but have the scheme take place in the haunted house or ghost train or something. Y'know, for Halloween."

"I like that," said Trickster, nodding. "It could be a Trickster treat, get it?"

"Yeah, we could maybe re-open the ride for one night only to maim and murder some trick-or-treaters!" exclaimed Joker. "And then, in the event they survived that, hand out candy laced with Joker toxin!"

"That's good," agreed Trickster. "I like the part where people get hurt."

"Me too," agreed Joker. "Well, let's go scout out which amusement park we wanna crash. That could take a whole day in itself."

"Hang on a second," said Harley, as she switched the input from the game console to the TV, which had the news on.

"…in other news, while you might have enjoyed seeing lots of them at this weekend's Comic Con, reports are coming in that some actual superheroes are visiting Gotham City this week – there have been reported sightings of not only our usual caped vigilante, Batman, but also a few other members of the Justice League, namely the Flash and Wonder Woman. At this point we are unsure whether their visit has any connection to the Comic Con, or if they're in town for unrelated reasons, but any viewers who have footage are being asked to send it in…"

"Flashy's in town?!" exclaimed Trickster, beaming. "This changes everything, J-man – we gotta involve both our nemeses in the scheme too!"

"I agree," said Joker. "But why don't we switch things up? I'll kidnap Flash, and you can try Batsy, Tricky. And you gals can take Wonder Woman."

"Why do you think it would take both of us to kidnap Wonder Woman?" demanded Harley. "I can do it on my own."

"Yeah, I definitely don't need her help with anything," agreed Prank.

"It might give you two a chance to bond, and put aside this silly petty rivalry you seem to have," retorted Joker. "It _is_ silly, since you're basically the same character – you should be friends, like me and Tricky."

Both women instantly started objecting loudly at being described as the same character. "I am nothing like that sorry tramp…" they both began.

"Jinx! You owe each other a soda!" exclaimed Trickster. "Gee, they really are similar, J, using the same phrases and everything. I gotta say though, I think my girlfriend is hotter."

"Well then, you're blind, because Harley is clearly hotter," retorted Joker. "I only have the best."

"Aw, thanks, Mr. J," said Harley, beaming at him. "With you and Johnny, that's two votes for me," she said, sticking her tongue out at Prank.

"There's nothing either of us can do about the opinions of morons," retorted Prank. "But there is an objective way to decide which one of us is the better henchwench at least. I'm betting my reputation that I can kidnap Wonder Woman before you can."

"I don't think your reputation is actually worth anything," retorted Harley. "But I'll take that bet anyway."

"Ok, well, you gals have fun," said Joker, heading for the door. "I need to think of a way to capture a really fast guy."

"And I need to think of a way to capture a guy in a Halloween costume," said Trickster. "Shouldn't be too difficult."

Joker was about to contradict him when they heard the sound of smashing glass, and something came flying through the window. It was a brick, with what looked like a rudimentary bomb attached.

"Aw geez, not another one," said Harley, picking it up and hurling it back out the window, where it exploded. "Mr. J, when we're done with this caper, we really need to figure out who this mad bomber is, and why they're targeting our hideouts."

"It's on my to-do list, ok?" demanded Joker. "Geez, nag, nag, nag! I'm betting Prank doesn't do that! As long as we're swapping nemeses, maybe if Prank proves more effective than you at kidnapping Wonder Woman, me and Tricky can swap henchwenches permanently!"

Joker and Trickster headed out the door, leaving Harley and Prank alone to glare at each other in loathing. "Ok, toots," growled Harley. "Now it's personal."


	5. Chapter 5

"I think you can understand our concern, Bruce," said Wonder Woman. "Four bombings with the same MO in two different cities?"

"I agree it appears to be the same perpetrator," said Batman. "What I don't understand is why both of you are here. If this criminal is in Gotham, I'll find him, the way I find all criminals in Gotham."

"But everyone always appreciates a little help, right?" asked Wonder Woman.

"And I have reason to believe this guy originates from Central City," said the Flash. "That's where the bombings started in the first place. If he's from my city, I'm taking him back to face justice in my city."

"Superman just felt that three pairs of eyes would be better than one," finished Wonder Woman.

"Well, if the super-powered alien felt that way, who are we to object?" muttered Batman. "Obviously he has the authority to make an executive decision just like that, without consulting anyone, especially not us mere mortals. Sorry, Diana – didn't mean to refer to you as a mortal there," he added.

"I'm not offended at being called a mortal," said Wonder Woman. "You have your charms, but acting petty and ungrateful when people are trying to help you is not one of them. A thank you wouldn't go amiss."

"I'll thank you when we've caught him," retorted Batman.

"Or her," added Flash. "No reason why this bomber couldn't be a woman."

"That's true. Man or woman, a sick mind is a sick mind," agreed Batman.

"Let's hear it for gender equality," sighed Wonder Woman. "Where both men and women have the opportunity to be violent criminals."

"So we should split up, right?" asked Flash. "I can cover more ground in less time, so I could search half the city while you two take the other half."

"I work better alone," said Batman.

"Ok, I can take half, and you can take a quarter each," said Flash. "We can meet back here in say, an hour?"

"I don't think we can thoroughly search a quarter of a city as big as Gotham in an hour," said Wonder Woman.

"I can," retorted Batman. "But then, I know it pretty well. Flash and I can meet back here in an hour, and if you're not finished searching, we can help you out, how about that?"

"How very gracious of you," said Wonder Woman, rolling her eyes. "There are some days I really regret leaving Themyscira," she muttered under her breath as she headed off.

Batman also headed off, shooting his grappling hook over to a nearby building and launching himself into the night sky. As if he didn't have enough to do trying to figure out what Scarecrow had planned for Halloween, now he had to worry about being monitored by Flash and Wonder Woman while hunting down some random bomber. "Happy Halloween to me," he muttered, landing on a nearby rooftop – it was always something.

"Hi, buddy!" said a cheerful voice.

Batman whirled around – he recognized that voice. "Joker?" he said. "What the hell are you wearing? And what did you do to your hair?"

The man wearing the unitard and rainbow hair chuckled. "Oh, that's funny!" he exclaimed. "And a good joke too, so I'll play along! I'm just trying out a new style, Batsy, old pal! What do you think?"

"I think you must be crazier than usual, and that's saying something," said Batman. "And I really don't have time for one of your insane schemes right now – there's a mad bomber out there trying to hurt innocent people, and that's a lot more pressing than whatever madness you've cooked up for me."

"Cook! That's a great idea!" exclaimed Trickster. "I've always considered myself a bit of a chef. Do you like to cook? Maybe we could have a bake-off, and I could tie you up and trap you with some stretchy dough like a pretzel. How about it?"

"How about it?" repeated Batman, incredulous. "It's completely idiotic! Why are you even suggesting this to me? You don't have your silly plan worked out well in advance as usual?"

"Well, I like feedback," retorted Trickster, shrugging. "A little give and take session – I sometimes do that with Fl…with friends," he finished.

"Really? I was under the impression that you didn't take feedback or constructive criticism well," retorted Batman. "Because here's some for you – just stop. You're not funny, and nothing you do amuses anyone except yourself. Also, I'm pretty sure you don't have any friends, because literally everyone hates your guts."

"Wow, that's some…really harsh criticism," said Trickster, slowly.

"Are you crying?" demanded Batman.

"No," said Trickster hastily. "But you're not the nicest guy in the world, you know."

"I'm not trying to be!" snapped Batman. "I'm trying to stop crime, and you don't do that by being nice!"

"Well, you haven't stopped it by being mean, so maybe nice is a different approach you should try," retorted Trickster. "What kinda superhero are you, anyway? Supervillains are meant to be cruel and heartless, but you're meant to be the good guy!"

"I am the good guy!" roared Batman. "But even a good guy isn't going to treat someone who murders people as a joke nicely!"

"Well, Flash does," retorted Trickster. "And that kinda makes all the difference. When he's kind to you, you think maybe you don't actually wanna ruin his day by going out and killing people."

"Flash's enemies are nothing compared to mine!" shouted Batman. "They're all a bunch of lame, second-rate copycats of my very real and dangerous rogues gallery! And frankly, I'm surprised I now have to be considerate of the feelings of someone like you!"

"Someone who dresses up in a costume and hurts people, is that what you mean, you hypocrite?" demanded Trickster. "Jesus, you really are no fun and completely unpleasant – why don't you tell a joke, or crack a smile once in a while? I don't know why he speaks so highly of you - I wouldn't put up with this kinda treatment if I was your nemesis."

"If you were my…" began Batman, but he was cut off as something hit him suddenly square in the face, knocking him to the ground. It happened too quickly for Batman to see what exactly had hit him, but it had looked like some sort of paper airplane, if paper airplanes weighed fifty pounds.

"Oh my God, are you ok?" asked Trickster, hurrying over to see to him.

"You shoot me with something and then you want to know if I'm all right?" hissed Batman. "You really are crazy!"

"I didn't shoot you," said Trickster.

"No, that would be me," said a voice from the shadows. "Sorry to interrupt the domestic dispute, boys."

A figure emerged from the darkness, an unassuming-looking man with blonde hair and large glasses. "You don't recognize me, do you, Batman?" he asked, smiling.

"Not off the top of my head," retorted Batman. "I've brought a lot of criminals to justice."

"Oh, you did more than that to me," replied the man. "You destroyed everything I ever loved, you obliterated my reason for being – it all went up in a giant ball of smoke and flames."

Batman just looked at him. "You're gonna have to be more specific…" he began.

"My toy collection!" shouted the man. "Which you and that superhero wannabe Simon Trent completely incinerated! I can't believe I once idolized him as the Gray Ghost!"

"Oh, you're that mad bomber and toy store owner, Ted Dyer," said Batman, the realization striking him suddenly. "The one who emulated those crimes from the old Gray Ghost TV show in order to extort money from the city to buy toys. As I recall, you blew up your own collection with bombs in a bungled effort to kill us. Don't tell me you're trying the exact same plan again…"

"I am _the_ Mad Bomber!" interrupted the man, furiously. "So yes, bombing is kinda what I do! When I got out of prison, I vowed not to rest until my toy collection was rebuilt, and you were dead. One is going to take a lot more time than the other, but one I'm going to accomplish tonight," he added with a smile, withdrawing a dart gun.

"Hey, I recognize that gun," said Trickster. "That's from Clarx Toys."

"Yes, one of the many things I took from the old store in Central City, where I hid out after I got out of prison," said the Mad Bomber, nodding. "Old Bob Clark made some incredible collectible toys, but it wasn't until his daughter Zoey took over the business that they merged collectibility with deadliness. This is a toy dart gun filled with real poison darts."

"Yeah, that was a good idea of Prank's," agreed Trickster. "That's who Zoey Clark is," he explained to Batman. "And she has her moments, I have to admit…"

"Shut up, Joker," snapped the Mad Bomber, rounding on him. "After I kill Batman, you're next. I've been trying to kill you for weeks by bombing your hideout, but it turns out you're a difficult man to blow up."

"Me? What did I do to you?" asked Trickster. "I love toys!"

"Exactly," said the Mad Bomber, nodding. "You're the top villain in this town who uses toys in your crimes. So once you're dead, I'll be the number one toy guru in this town. When people hear about exploding chattering teeth, they won't think Joker, they'll think the Mad Bomber, the guy who took out the Joker! It's nothing personal – just business."

"Well, you're gonna laugh at this misunderstanding," chuckled Trickster. "I'm not the Joker. I'm the Trickster from Central City, and my partner in crime is Zoey Clark, aka Prank. We're just visiting the Joker and we thought it would be fun to try and capture each other's nemeses…"

"Oh, Trickster," said Batman, nodding. "That makes a lot more sense. Didn't I tell you something bad would happen if you set foot in my town?"

"Joker's not afraid of you, and neither am I," retorted Trickster, sticking his tongue out.

"Lying won't save you, Joker," interrupted the Mad Bomber. "You think I can't recognize your voice?"

"But me and Joker have the same voice," protested Trickster. "It's been commented on repeatedly."

"It's true – they do," agreed Batman. "And that is definitely Trickster. I won't say much for Joker, but he does have some sense of fashion, and wouldn't be caught dead in a unitard."

The Mad Bomber shook his head. "I know you, Batman," he said. "And I know how hard you work to save even the most undeserving of humanity from death. And I know this is just a trick to save Joker from me. But it's not going to work," he added, shooting a dart into Trickster's face.

"Relax," the Mad Bomber continued, watching Batman start forward with an antidote as Trickster collapsed. "It's not poison – just a sedative. I've got bigger plans for the Joker's death. As well as yours," he added, taking out a toy fire engine and pressing a button which turned on the siren. Batman fell to the ground, blinded by a sudden headache which blotted out his vision.

"They recalled this toy for giving kids seizures," he heard the Mad Bomber say. "The flashing lights, y'know. But the siren is perfect for giving incapacitating migraines. Enjoy the headache, Batman, and find me before I kill the Joker, if you can."

The noise stopped, and Batman opened his eyes to see that both the Mad Bomber and the Trickster had disappeared. "Great," he muttered, struggling to his feet. "That's just great. Just what I need tonight. Joker inviting his little friends into my town and them getting kidnapped by Z-list villains. Happy Halloween to me."

"I couldn't have said it better myself, Batman," said a familiar voice. "Happy season of fear…"

"No, I don't have time for you right now," interrupted Batman, grabbing Scarecrow's glove before it could release fear toxin and shoving him aside. Batman turned around to be met with Posion Ivy holding up a lit pumpkin.

"See? I told you he'd prefer my scheme…" began Ivy, but Batman ducked and seized the pumpkin from her, tossing it at Scarecrow's face while releasing his glove and pointing it at Ivy. The pumpkin exploded and released Poison Ivy toxin. Scarecrow fell back, coughing uncontrollably, as he shot a cloud of fear toxin straight into Poison Ivy's face.

"Ok, on three, I'll give you your antidote if you give me mine!" Ivy said as Batman grappled off into the night. And despite the horrible night he was having so far, Batman allowed himself a small smile at a small victory.


	6. Chapter 6

Wonder Woman was surprised to see, on turning a corner in Gotham City, her symbol drawn in chalk on the sidewalk, with the words _Stand Here Please_ underneath it. "Nice try," she said, walking around it. "How dumb do you think I am?"

A net dropped down on her suddenly. "Pretty dumb," replied Harley Quinn, jumping down from the building above. "No superhero type is ever gonna do what a sign says, even when it asks nicely – you're too cool to obey the rules, right? Of course you're gonna go around it, the same way you go around the law, because you think you're special."

"Harley, what are you doing?" demanded Wonder Woman. "I'm here to stop a mad bomber, not the Joker, so you should have no quarrel with me."

"Wait, mad bomber?" repeated Harley. "That's funny – some randomer has been trying to bomb me and Mr. J's hideout. You think it could be the same guy?"

"Well, you never know in Gotham," replied Wonder Woman, shrugging. "You could have more than one mad bomber out there. But it would seem a little coincidental, don't you think?"

"Maybe," agreed Harley. "Anyway, it don't matter why you're here – Mr. J wants me to kidnap you to prove I'm the better henchwench than Prank, so that's what I'm gonna do."

"Really?" asked Wonder Woman. "You're going to kidnap a fellow woman to prove to a man that you're good at serving him? Don't you find that the slightest bit demeaning?"

"You'd think, when you put it that way," said Harley, nodding. "But nope," she added, picking up the edge of the net and dragging it forward. "It's a matter of principle and honor, toots. I can't let that second-rate, copycat version of me think she's better at her job…"

"I don't think – I know," said a voice. Harley turned, furious, to see that Prank had used a toy helicopter to slice through the net holding Wonder Woman, who she instantly shot with a grappling hook from the toy helicopter, which wound itself around Wonder Woman's legs. "You're coming with me," said Prank, pulling her off in the opposite direction.

"She is not!" snapped Harley, grabbing Wonder Woman around the ankles and trying to pull her back. "She's coming with me…aah!" she cried, falling back as Prank clicked her heels together, shooting a spike out of her shoes and straight at Harley.

"You think you're so great with all your fancy toys, doncha, toots?" demanded Harley.

"Well, I did invent them. So yes," said Prank, smiling at her. "What have you ever invented?"

"I'm a doctor!" shouted Harley. "I don't have to invent stuff to prove I'm smart! I got a degree that says I am, which is part of the reason why I got it, so people won't call me a dumb blonde no more!"

"Well, evidently they'll hand out qualifications to just anyone these days," sighed Prank.

"Why are you two acting like this?" asked Wonder Woman. "You shouldn't be tearing each other down in order to win the approval of a man…"

"I'm not – I'm tearing her down because I hate her guts!" snapped Harley.

"Likewise," muttered Prank. "It has nothing to do with a man, and everything to do with her being a bitch."

"But don't you understand how women are stronger together, united?" pressed Wonder Woman. "There's nothing we can't accomplish if we work together."

"You can give me the girl power spiel all you want – you're not getting out of being kidnapped," retorted Harley.

"I'm trying to tell you that we don't have to be enemies in this," said Wonder Woman. "We both want this bomber stopped, right, Harley? So why don't we all work together to stop him? Maybe by joining forces, you and Prank can gain a newfound respect for each other."

"When hell freezes over," snapped Prank.

"That's right, and I ain't letting Mr. J replace me as henchgirl," said Harley.

Wonder Woman sighed heavily. "Fine," she muttered. "When reason fails, sometimes you have to resort to violence. Fortunately, I have a large sword," she said, unsheathing it and cutting through the ropes binding her. "Now if you wanna fight, let's fight," she said, pointing it at Harley.

"All right, bring it!" snapped Harley. "I'm also a gymnast, which I bet you ain't, Prank the skank!" she shouted, leaping out of the way as Wonder Woman swung her sword.

"I told you, I'm an inventor," retorted Prank, grabbing a doll out of her bag and placing it on the ground. She pressed a button, and the doll's arms opened, and Wonder Woman's sword flew out of her hands into them.

"Mama," said the doll, as it started walking towards Wonder Woman, swinging the sword.

"That's cheating, getting dollies to do your dirty work!" snapped Harley.

"It's not cheating – it's using what we have to our advantage," retorted Prank. "For some of us, that's intellect. And for some of us, that's jumping around like a monkey."

"I ain't a monkey!" snapped Harley. She flipped over to the doll, kicked its legs out from under it, and grabbed the sword from it. "Could a monkey do that?" she demanded.

"Yes. But it couldn't do this," said Prank, winding up a jack in the box. A mechanical hand shot out of it, seizing the sword. Harley tried to keep hold of it, but Prank reeled the machine in, pulling the sword out of her grip. Wonder Woman suddenly lassoed the jack in the box, ripping it out of Prank's hands.

"I don't want to hurt either of you…" Wonder Woman began.

"That makes one of us!" shouted Harley, leaping toward her. Wonder Woman shot the lasso at her, catching her around the leg and pulling her to the ground.

"You too, stop!" Wonder Woman shouted, throwing her shield at Prank. It collided with her face, knocking her to the ground. "Now I am going to search Gotham for this bomber, and I don't want to hear anything more from the two of you!" she shouted. "I am not going to suffer the indignity of being kidnapped by two voluntary lackeys and presented as a prisoner to some man! And as soon as the two of you wake up and see that being pathetic servants of men isn't making you happy, and that you're worth so much more, I'll be the first to support you on your road to recovery, self-esteem, and independence. But right now, I will not be a prize that you fight over!"

"Oh yes, you will!" shrieked Harley, trying to untangle herself from the lasso.

Suddenly, something fell off the roof, dropping onto Wonder Woman's skull and knocking her unconscious. "Oh, great job, Johnny!" shouted a familiar voice, as Wonder Woman fell to the ground. "That's the second of my pumpkins you've broken!"

"Woman, you're lucky I don't break more than that!" snapped another familiar voice.

"Red? Johnny?" asked Harley, glancing up. "What are you two doing up there?"

"Harley?" said Ivy, squinting down. "And Prank? Wait, who did we hit?"

"Wonder Woman," replied Harley, disentangling herself from the lasso. "Looks like you knocked her out cold. Nice work – I've been trying to kidnap her, and I was getting real tired of her female empowerment shtick. Imagine telling other women how to live their lives, and then still pretending you respect 'em!"

"Aw, jeez, I didn't want to hurt her," sighed Ivy. "I have a lot of regard for Wonder Woman. Y'know, for a superhero. This is all your fault, Johnny," she snapped, rounding on him. "If you hadn't been trying to take the pumpkin away from me, I wouldn't have dropped it off the roof!"

"Well, perhaps if you hadn't tried to poison me, I wouldn't have been trying to take the pumpkin away from you!" snapped Crane.

"I wasn't trying to poison you – I was trying to poison Batman!" snapped Ivy. "Anyway, it's no less than you deserve for fear gassing me!"

"I was also aiming for Batman, as you well know!" snapped Crane. "But perhaps if you didn't interject yourself into other people's holidays, these things wouldn't happen to you!"

"It's a free holiday, pal!" roared Ivy. "And I'm not going to let some man tell me what I can and can't do, you misogynist pig!"

"Jesus, why don't you two just get a room already?" asked Prank, straightening up and rubbing her forehead tenderly.

"Are you insane?" demanded Crane. "Redundant question when you dress like that, I know, but what possible attraction do you think this woman could have for me?"

Prank shrugged. "Beggars can't be choosers. And shouting at each other is usually quite the turn on for Trickster and me."

"Yeah, and for me and Mr. J," agreed Harley. "But I don't think Johnny is really into that."

"Would you like me to be into that?" asked Crane, hopefully.

"No time," interrupted Ivy. "Batman headed that way, and since Johnny destroyed both of my pumpkins, I'm going to have to try to kill him the old fashioned way."

"And I have to get this unconscious broad to my Trickster," said Prank, lifting Wonder Woman's arms.

"Oh no, you don't, toots," snapped Harley, seizing Wonder Woman's legs. "I'm taking her to Mr. J, and that's that!"

"Trickster's also that way," said Ivy, nodding. "When I arrived to attack Batman, he was talking to Trickster and some nerdy-looking guy, who shot Trickster with some kinda dart. And then this weird siren went off and they disappeared."

"What?" gasped Prank, dropping Wonder Woman's arms suddenly. "My Tricky-pooh's in danger?"

"Maybe," said Ivy, shrugging. "Unless shooting people with darts is how friends greet each other in Central City."

"What a maroon!" laughed Harley. "Getting himself kidnapped by randomers! My Joker would never let himself get kidnapped – he'd murder anyone who tried. But Gotham ain't no Central City, and I guess Trickster found that out the hard way!"

"Actually, I too saw the beginning of that encounter, and the man did call Trickster Joker," said Crane. "And then when Trickster tried to tell him he wasn't Joker, he didn't believe him because the two of them sounded the same. So whoever this is is probably actually out to hurt the Joker."

"You mean Mr. J might be in danger too?" asked Harley.

"Possibly, but you just said he could take care of himself…" began Crane.

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean I'm just gonna ignore it!" snapped Harley. "What kinda loyal, loving girlfriend would I be if I just let some guy who's after Mr. J's blood go? C'mon, Prank, let's go find out who this jerk is and teach him a lesson for trying to hurt our guys."

"What about Wonder Woman?" asked Ivy.

"We'll just tie her up with her lasso and stash her somewhere until we get back," said Harley, grabbing the lasso and tying it around Wonder Woman. Then she grabbed the end of the rope and started dragging her down the street.

"Here, let me help you, Harley – we'll move faster," said Prank, joining Harley in pulling the rope.

"Thanks, Pranky, you're a pal," said Harley.

"They hate each other's guts until their useless men are in danger, and then they're the best of friends," muttered Ivy. "That's just sad on so many levels."

"Afraid of being replaced as Harley's best friend, are you, Ivy?" asked Crane.

"No, I'm talking about from a feminist perspective, not a personal perspective, you idiot!" snapped Ivy. "Harley would never replace me as her best friend – she's loyal to a fault, you know that!"

"All right, no need to overreact – it was just a suggestion," said Crane, following Harley and Prank as they dragged Wonder Woman away.

Ivy glared after them. "And Prank better not try to steal my best friend, or she's a dead woman," she muttered, following them off down the street.


	7. Chapter 7

The Flash was happily zipping his way through the byways and alleys of Gotham City when he suddenly collided with a wall, the force of which slammed pain through every part of his body. When he hit the ground, restraints lying open on the street instantly snapped shut and secured his arms and legs together, rendering him incapable of movement.

"Like catching the Road Runner. Except I'm a little more wily than that coyote," chuckled a familiar voice. Flash looked up to see that what he had run into was a wall painted like the road in front of him, being wheeled out of the way by none other than the Joker.

"Joker, what gives?" demanded Flash. "I'm not in Gotham to stop whatever madness you've got planned, so I don't know why you're attacking me."

"Maybe I just don't like onesie-clad do-gooders crashing my town," retorted Joker. "Or maybe I want a break from Batsy for once. Trickster tells me you're a fun, jokey kinda guy, and he thought maybe we'd get on. Plus we thought it would be fun to swap nemeses for the night, y'know, for trick or treat!"

"Wait, Trickster's here?" asked Flash. "Is he still on his medication? He really needs to be – it's for his own good…"

"It's for your own good, you mean," interrupted Joker. "It's so much easier to deal with people when they're doped up on medication, docile little robots that you people can just program however you want, isn't it? Why don't you just lobotomize us all and be done with it, so we can all conform to your bleak and gray worldview?"

"That's not what I'm trying to do to James," replied Flash. "I'm just trying to help him lead a better, more fulfilling life."

"Who the hell is James?" asked Joker.

"That's Trickster's real name," replied Flash. "James Jesse – how do you not know this if you're his friend?"

"Because I don't care about real names," retorted Joker. "I care about the names people choose for themselves, not the labels society gives 'em. That's why I never bothered to find out who Batsy is – he's chosen to be a guy who dresses up in a bat costume and beats up randomers, so that's who he is now. Backstories are boring and irrelevant and frankly overdone lately, wouldn't you agree?"

"Not really," said Flash. "I think they can provide interesting character development as you learn the roots of the person's problems and personality and watch as he or she struggles to overcome the chains of their past to lead a healthy, happy, and more productive future."

"You know, when I want your opinion, I'll ask for it," snapped Joker.

"Didn't you just…do that?" asked Flash, slowly.

"Your job is to sit in sullen, brooding silence and not respond to anything I say," continued Joker, ignoring him. "Because you're the hero, and that's what you do."

"Actually, I don't think that's the most helpful thing a hero can do," said Flash. "I know Batman's a fan of less talking, more beating, but personally I think the best way to help criminals is to actually engage with them and discuss why they're lashing out the way they do. A little empathy goes a long way, and through that, you discover that most people are basically good – they just do bad things for what they think are the right reasons. But I've found we really can reach a better understanding of each other through communication."

"Here's some communication for you – shut up," snapped Joker. "I told you to sit in sullen and brooding silence, so do that while I drag you into the van."

"You know, you could untie me and save yourself some effort," said Flash, as Joker dragged him toward the van. "I'll come with you voluntary as long as I can see that James is all right. And if you let me go, I could get us to wherever he is quicker – in fact, you could say I could get us there in a Flash!" he laughed.

"Hey, what did I say about sullen and brooding silence?" demanded Joker, shoving him into the passenger seat. "I'll handle the jokes around here, because here's a news flash for you, Flashy – puns aren't funny!"

"Well, they amuse me, which is really all that matters, right?" asked Flash, as Joker climbed into the driver's seat and started the engine. "I mean, life can get pretty difficult sometimes, and sometimes just a smile and a joke helps, even a fairly dumb one. Laughter always makes people feel a little better, doesn't it?"

"Not if they're laughing themselves to death on my Joker toxin, it doesn't," retorted Joker.

Flash shrugged. "Whatever. I just think a smile and a song helps cheer you up when things look grim. I remember this one time that the Batmobile lost a wheel during a car chase, so I started singing to Bats _Jingle Bells, Batman smells_ …"

"Oh no, you don't!" interrupted Joker. "That's my song, and I've copyrighted it! You start singing it, and you owe me royalties! And singing is not sitting in sullen silence, for the last time!"

"What are you getting so worked up about?" asked Flash. "I thought you were meant to be this happy, funny guy!"

"I'm only a happy, funny guy around a good audience!" snapped Joker. "Which you ain't! A good audience is meant to sit quietly and not try to upstage its host with jokes of its own!"

"I guess it's a good thing we don't meet each other often then," said Flash. "In fact, I guess you could say that our encounter is just a Flash in a van."

He began laughing, and Joker suddenly slammed on the brakes. "Ok, get out," he snapped, removing the restraints from Flash and opening the car door.

"What, here?" asked Flash, glancing outside. "But there's lots of oncoming traffic…"

"So zip out to safety!" snapped Joker. "Or aren't you capable of outrunning traffic, Speedy Gonzales?"

"I am, but the red blur can distract drivers and lead to wrecks…" began Flash.

"Just go on, _¡Ándale! ¡Ándale! ¡Arriba! ¡Arriba!_ " shouted Joker. "You're damn lucky I even stopped the car – I should have just shoved you out into oncoming traffic and made you splatter like a red bug on somebody's windshield! God, I will never complain about Batsy again…"

At that moment, the back window shattered as Batman kicked his way into the van. "Speak of the devil," commented Flash.

"What are you doing with him?" demanded Batman.

"I swear, Batsy, it's not what you think," said Joker. "I would never cheat on you, nemesis buddy – I ain't that kinda guy."

"I wasn't thinking…what?" demanded Batman. "I mean what are you doing with him as in why have you kidnapped him!"

"Well, it was gonna be this fun nemesis-swap thing for me and Trickster – a sorta Trickster treat for Halloween, if you will," said Joker. "But this relationship really isn't working out for me because I can't stand being around this relentless upstager, so I was just gonna dump him out into the street, but I can kill him if you want. Y'know, if you secretly want to eliminate more of those super-powered justice do-gooders, which I know you do."

"Give me that!" snapped Batman, grabbing the gun out of Joker's hand. "I don't want you to kill anyone, in case I haven't made that crystal clear by now! Now why don't you just leave me with Flash and go home?"

"Well, now that you're here, we should hang out, just the two of us," said Joker. "I've got a van – how about we paint it like an ice cream van, buy a little siren, lure kiddies to it, and then feed them ice cream laced with Joker toxin?"

"You would actually poison children?" asked Flash. "Jesus, you are one sick puppy."

"You see what I have to put up with," growled Batman. "And no, you need to go home right now, Joker. There's a mad bomber on the loose who's already mistakenly kidnapped Trickster instead of you…"

"What?" asked Joker and Flash simultaneously, looking equally concerned.

"I'm going after them right now…" began Batman.

"Well, I'm coming with you," said Flash.

"Yeah, me too," agreed Joker.

"No, you're not!" snapped Batman. "I mean, you can, Flash, but I don't need you getting in the way, Joker!"

"I'm not gonna get in your way," retorted Joker. "Anyway, Tricky's a pal. We're fanboys, and being a fellow fanboy with someone is an unbreakable bond we have for life. And fanboys don't let fanboys get kidnapped."

"Trickster's a fan of Batman?" asked Flash, puzzled.

"He wasn't when last we spoke, no," muttered Batman.

"Why does nobody think I have a life outside of him?" demanded Joker. "Even the best relationships need outside interests in order to be healthy, you know."

"We do not have a relationship, and what we do have is definitely not healthy," retorted Batman.

"Well, no, but in my experience, those kinda relationships are the best," said Joker, grinning at him.

Batman sighed heavily, trying to ignore him. "Flash, I don't think the bomber could be very far away since I got chasing after him fairly quickly, so if you can run ahead and see if you can catch him…"

"Or Flashy could use his super-speed to take us along with him," said Joker. "And then we could all confront him together to make sure he doesn't hurt Trickster."

"How would I do that?" asked Flash. "I can't carry both of you, and I wouldn't even if I could."

"Well, Batsy could carry me and you could carry Batsy…" began Joker.

"Definitely not," interrupted Batman.

Joker looked at Flash. "How do you feel about being a sled dog? We could break off the door to this van, flip it over, and then Batsy and me could kinda ride it behind you while you pull us. We could call you Flassie, and you could take us to little Tricky who's fallen down a well, or afoul of a mad bomber, which is broadly similar."

Flash glared back. "All right, but only because of the pun," he muttered at last.


	8. Chapter 8

"I'm telling you, pal, you've got this all wrong," Trickster said, as he hung upside down by a toy crane over a vat of bubbling green liquid and rubber ducks in a kiddie pool in a hideout filled with toys. "I keep telling you, I'm not the Joker…"

"You just expect me to believe that there's some knockoff version of the Joker who sounds exactly like the Joker running around out there fighting a different superhero in a different city?" asked the Mad Bomber. "And who just coincidentally seems to be in Gotham City tonight with Batman?"

"Look, buddy, I've already explained to you about how DC comics plagiarized itself in the 60s," retorted Trickster. "But it was the 60s, so nobody cared. And I've already explained what I was doing in Gotham City – I was visiting for a Comic Con where I met up with Joker, who suggested that it might be fun to swap nemeses for the night…"

"I was at the Comic Con," interrupted the Mad Bomber. "I was looking for some rare collectibles there, and nowhere did I see the Joker. The real Joker, I mean – I saw a lot of imposters. Why on earth would the Joker visit a Comic Con anyway?"

"Because he's a fanboy – we both are," replied Trickster. "We just think Mark's the greatest."

"The _Star Wars_ guy?" asked the Mad Bomber. "Has he even been in anything else?"

"Oh my God, how do you not know that he's one of the most talented and prolific voice actors working today?" demanded Trickster.

The Mad Bomber snorted. "Voice acting isn't real acting anyway," he muttered, heading over to some controls.

"You know, the kidnapping and the threatening to kill me I could put up with," said Trickster. "But just for saying that, you're dead when I get outta here."

"And how are you going to accomplish that?" asked the Mad Bomber. "You're the Joker, not Zatanna. You can't just magically get out of this."

"I don't know who Santana is, aside from the guitarist," said Trickster. "But the real Joker is gonna come rescue me, you'll see. Either him or Batman anyway – J tells me he's a real reliable guy. Or maybe both along with Flash. Or Prank, I mean, Zoey Clark…"

"Zoey Clark is not coming here!" snapped the Mad Bomber. "Honestly, Joker, for a guy whose business is lying, you're terrible at it! Don't you think it's a little convenient that I was talking about Zoey Clark, and then you just happen to claim that she's your sidekick? I've seen Harley Quinn, and she's no Zoey Clark. Harley's a dumb blonde, and Zoey is a genius toy inventor. There's literally no comparison between the two."

"Well, Prank would agree with you," said Trickster, nodding. "But that doesn't mean she's right. Joker and I think she and Harley are pretty similar, but they hate each other for some reason. They're actually meant to be competing with each other right now to prove one's the better henchwench, and I'm not sure who my money's on…"

"I'm hoping someone does come to rescue you anyway," interrupted the Mad Bomber. "If it's Batman, I've got something very special planned for his demise. And if it's any of those other also-rands, including Harley, I can take care of them very simply by shooting them in the face. No need to stage an elaborate death for people who never made an impact in the first place."

"Wait, you actually want to kill Batman?" asked Trickster. "And the Joker? You're not just going to set up a complicated trap from which they can easily escape?"

"Why would I do that?" asked the Mad Bomber.

"I dunno – it's the fun of the game," said Trickster, shrugging. "If you actually kill them, then the game's over. I know when I fight Flash, I never really wanna kill him. He's my buddy, and sure, we may be on opposite sides of the law, but that doesn't mean we want each other dead. That would be insane."

"I hate to break it to you, Joker, but you are insane," retorted the Mad Bomber. "And so am I now, thanks to Batman. He drove me to this by destroying my toy collection…"

"Yeah, geez, what a tragic backstory," sighed Trickster, sarcastically. "With that kinda brutal trauma, it's no wonder you turned to supervillainism. I mean, c'mon, pal, it's not like somebody murdered your parents in an alley or something. Oooh, you lost your toys. What are you, five?"

"They weren't just toys – they were rare collectibles!" snapped the Mad Bomber. "Some of which no longer exist! Rare and beautiful merchandise and memorabilia from the dawn of film and television went up in flames, and if you're not unreasonably upset about that, you're the crazy one!"

"They're just material possessions," said Trickster. "Some people think you shouldn't be so obsessive about those anyway. You can't take it with you in the end, after all. After you die, you leave only what you give, not what you take. You should think about that."

"I'm not taking philosophical advice from a clown," retorted the Mad Bomber.

"Your loss, King Lear," said Trickster, shrugging.

"Well, actually, it will be your loss when I kill both you and Batman," said the Mad Bomber. "Your loss of life, that is."

"You shouldn't explain jokes," sighed Trickster. "But you should be explaining your scheme to me so I can easily foil it – that's supervillainism 101. I get the feeling that you're new at this, but you're not very good – you clearly haven't studied the masters…"

"I've seen enough movies and TV shows to know that in order for the villain to win, you've got to shake up the formula," interrupted the Mad Bomber. "I'm a renegade maverick who can't play by the rules anyway."

"Yeah, you look it," said Trickster. "Nothing says renegade maverick like the nerd look of button up, plain white shirt and glasses."

"All right, you're being dropped now, Batman or no Batman," said the Mad Bomber, heading over to a control panel. "You talk too much for your own good, but I suppose that's all part of the traditional supervillain playbook. Still, I get bored of the same back and forth banter that you see in hundreds of situations like this."

"Well, it's hard to break out of the banter pattern," said Trickster. "And it's only fair to keep talking to give the other guy time to escape. But since I'm the other guy in this case, it's also to stall you so help can get here. Which it has," he added, nodding out the window.

"What are you talking about?" demanded the Mad Bomber, heading over to the window. He fell back when a red blur suddenly burst through the glass, harnessed to an overturned door which two familiar figures were riding like a sled.

"It's a little early for Christmas, but we got Fludoph the red-robed reindeer pulling the Batsled!" chuckled Joker.

"It wasn't funny the first time you said it, and it's not funny now," growled Batman, letting go of the harness as he swooped into the room.

"Oh my God, you really aren't the Joker," said the Mad Bomber, staring at Trickster in horror.

"Told you," retorted Trickster. "I'm your friendly neighborhood clown from Central City. He's your hilarious and psychotic Gotham-made maniac."

"And don't you forget it," said Joker, tossing a playing card which sliced through the rope holding Trickster as Batman leapt up and over the vat, catching him in his arms on the way.

"Wow, Joker's right, you do have a surprisingly gentle and tender touch," commented Trickster.

"Shut up," snapped Batman, dumping him to the ground. "It's over, Mad Bomber," he said, turning to face him.

"No, to quote another cliché, it's only just beginning, Batman," said the Mad Bomber. "God, you're right – it's difficult to break out of the cycle of back and forth banter once you're in the swing of it."

"Told you," repeated Trickster. The ground beneath his and Batman's feet suddenly fell away, and they found themselves in a pit with toy cars racing around, with small bombs attached to them.

"Yeah, I remember this," Batman muttered. "But clearly you don't remember why it was such a bad idea."

"Oooh, toy cars!" exclaimed Trickster, reaching for one.

"Don't touch that!" snapped Batman, slapping his hand back. "They explode!"

"I can see that – that's half the fun," retorted Trickster.

"Hang on, Bats, I'll get you out of there," said Flash, rushing toward them.

"Oh no, you don't – I'm rescuing Batsy," said Joker, tripping up Flash so he flew into the wall.

"Joker, we're on the same side right now!" roared Flash. "Why would you trip me?!"

"Because I'm rescuing Batsy," repeated Joker. "Grab ahold, buddy," he said, lowering a string of colorful handkerchiefs tied together. Batman sighed, but grabbed them and began to climb, only to have them break apart mid-climb, depositing him back on the ground with a thud.

"Sorry, that must have been the trick scarves!" exclaimed Joker, feeling around in his pockets. "Maybe I didn't pack the non-trick ones...but I'll get you outta there somehow, buddy, don't worry!"

"None of you is rescuing anyone!" shouted the Mad Bomber. "I'm shutting this down right now!"

"You and what army, pal?" demanded Joker.

"This one," retorted the Mad Bomber, and an army of remote-controlled action figures suddenly stepped out of the shadows, surrounding them.

"Holy smokes," said Flash, looking around as the toys circled him. "I can't run through these without setting off one of the bombs…"

"Hey, cool, I'm gonna get blown up by a mini-Batman!" exclaimed Joker, smiling down at the Batman action figure carrying a bomb. "I mean, if you've gotta go, that's a pretty fun story to tell in the afterlife, right? Good joke, too - some days you just can't get rid of a bomb, eh, Bats? Get it?"

"No," retorted Batman, looking for a way out of the pit.

"Really? You don't? 1966? The Batusi?" asked Joker.

"I said no!" shouted Batman.

"There's no escape," growled the Mad Bomber. "Don't make me destroy you."

"Hey, you can't quote _Star Wars_ after you insult Mark!" snapped Trickster.

"He insulted Mark?" demanded Joker.

"He did – he said voice acting wasn't real acting," said Trickster. "Which I said he'd die for."

"He will," said Joker, nodding. "I'll see to it personally, for Mark."

"You're seconds from meeting your own demise, so forgive me if I'm not afraid of you," retorted the Mad Bomber, as the Batman figure toddled closer to Joker. "Death by Batman toy – the perfect death for you, Joker. And once you're gone, I'll have my Joker action figure destroy Batman."

"Well, at least we'll kill each other, and we'll die together," said Joker, shrugging. "So I'm fine with that."

"Nobody is killing my puddin'!" shrieked a familiar voice from the shadows above. "Especially not some mini-Bat bomber bully!"

"Harley!" exclaimed Joker, beaming as Wonder Woman's lasso dropped down from the rafters, circling the Batman bomb and pulling it up towards Harley Quinn.

"Pull!" shouted another voice, and Harley cracked the lasso like a whip, flinging the action figure into the air. A toy arrow shot toward it, impacting with the action figure and exploding it above their heads.

"I recognize that arrow!" gasped the Mad Bomber. "But it can't be…they recalled that bow and arrow set after it put a kid's eye out! The only one left was in the personal possession of…"

"Zoey Clark," finished Prank, drawing another arrow along the bow and firing at another toy bomb. "That's me. Otherwise known as Prank."

"Oh my God…you _are_ Zoey Clark!" exclaimed the Mad Bomber. "This is…this is incredible! Zoey Clark, the singular talent behind Clark's toys, the unappreciated genius of her time, here in my presence!"

"Looks like we ain't the only fanboys around," muttered Trickster, glaring at the Mad Bomber.

"I have so many questions for you, Miss Clark," continued the Mad Bomber, gushingly. "Where do you get your ideas? Why did you stop making toys? If I gave you a million dollars in investment, would you consider re-opening the business? I can probably blackmail that from the city…"

He was cut off as Prank shot an arrow through his sleeve, pinning his arm to the wall. "You kidnap my Trickster and you wanna be my friend?" she demanded. "Sorry, pal, no dice. You let him go now."

"Of course, Miss Clark, anything you want," said the Mad Bomber, pressing a button so the floor of the pit raised back up. "Here, let me call off the toys," he said, operating a remote control which deactivated the rest of the bombs. "I'm sure you recognize some of these figures – I think you designed the ones with the laser pointer eyes…"

"I designed a lot of things," said Prank, hopping down so she was eye level and pointing the bow at him. "Moved on with my life now, though. Got something a lot more important than a lot of silly toys. How are you, baby?" she asked, beaming at Trickster.

"Yeah, yeah, fine, fine," said Trickster, dusting himself off. "Good job, kiddo," he said, patting her on the head. "I knew you'd appear eventually, although you took your sweet time. Not like my buddy Flash who was here in a flash, as usual," he chuckled, embracing Flash.

"I'm glad you're ok, James," said Flash, hugging him in return.

"Well, we don't have super speed, and we did have to kidnap Wonder Woman," reminded Harley, wrapping up the lasso. "Prank and me worked together on that, and we make quite a team."

"Not as good a team as Harley and me, though," said Poison Ivy, striding into the room and putting her arm around Harley.

"Where the hell did you come from?" asked Joker.

"Johnny and me were watching from over there – we decided to stay out of it and hope all of you died," said Ivy. "Except Harley, of course. If Harley was in danger, I know I would be rushing in to save her, because she's my bestie," she said, hugging Harley tightly.

"Thanks, Red," said Harley, hugging her back. "You're my bestie too."

Ivy tried to repress a sigh of relief. "Toy bombs," muttered Crane, looking around in annoyance. "Basic traps. Acid baths. None of this has anything to do with Halloween. With the toys, the whole thing's more of a Christmas scheme anyway, and Christmas and Halloween don't mix, no matter what that Burton movie says. It's a complete waste of the season of fear. At least let me gas this moron," he said, nodding at the Mad Bomber. "Someone has to suffer the effects of my fear toxin tonight – it's traditional."

The Mad Bomber was still staring at Prank open-mouthed as Batman approached him, removed the arrow pinning him back, and handcuffed him. "Miss Clark, please…you have to reconsider," said the Mad Bomber. "I'll give you whatever money you want…the two of us…we could make an empire of toys!"

"As…tempting as that sounds," began Prank, slowly. "I'm happy just making my Trickster happy."

"You mean you're going to waste your talent by giving up toy-making and submitting yourself in eternal servitude to some second-rate supervillain who doesn't even appear to care about you anymore than he does this ridiculous superhero?!" demanded the Mad Bomber.

"Yes, and as a strong, smart, and capable woman, that's my decision," said Prank, nodding. "Jesus, you and Wonder Woman not respecting women's decisions just because you think they're the wrong ones - it's pretty hypocritical coming from people who claim to support gender equality."

"Ain't that the truth," agreed Harley. "You should hear Red lecture me."

"I don't lecture you, Harley," laughed Ivy. "I would never lecture my best friend! I care about her too much to talk down to her like that!"

"Oh. So you approve of my relationship with Mr. J?" asked Harley, surprised.

"I…respect your…terrible, terrible decision," said Ivy, slowly. "Because that's what best friends do."

"You can be pretty pathetic, you know that?" asked Crane.

"Wow, you're calling me pathetic?" demanded Ivy, rounding on him. "I'm not the guy who's been pining after an attached woman for almost a decade!"

"It has not been a decade!" exclaimed Crane.

"You met when Harley started college – that's about a decade!" shouted Ivy.

"Wait, you're pining after a woman you met when I started college?" asked Harley. "Johnny, I didn't know! Who is she?"

Crane was spared further embarrassment by the lasso being yanked out of Harley's hands suddenly but a very annoyed and disheveled-looking Wonder Woman, who instantly threw it around the group, pulling tight.

"Batman, Flash, I see you've got this Mad Bomber situation under control," she muttered, turning to them.

"What happened to you?" asked Flash.

"I think I was hit on the head with a pumpkin dropped from a great height," said Wonder Woman. "The memory's hazy after that until I woke up in the alley next door…anyway, I'm taking these people back to Arkham where they belong…"

"No, I'll take Zoey," said Flash, pulling her out of the group. "I need to get her and James home and get their medication refilled. We'll find an all-night pharmacy in Central City, huh, buddy?"

"Suits me," said Trickster, nodding. "J, it's been great seeing you, but as fun as all this has been, I'm really not comfortable with how seriously you people seem to take crime here in Gotham City. I mean, this Mad Bomber guy actually wanted to kill me, can you believe it? Not just trap me and let me go, but honestly murder me. That's a little scary – I don't know how you live like this with people earnestly trying to hurt you."

"That's all part of the fun, Tricky!" chuckled Joker.

"Well, it's a game I'm not sure I'm ready for," said Trickster.

"I can respect that," said Joker. "It's not for everyone."

"No," agreed Trickster. "But you know what to do," he added pointedly as Flash led him out of the building.

"Miss Clark, Zoey, please, call me!" cried the Mad Bomber desperately as Prank followed them both, studiously ignoring him.

"I'll take them back to Arkham, Wonder Woman," said Batman, taking the lasso from her. "I've got a ride on the way. Why don't you take the Mad Bomber to the police station?"

"All right, but be sure to bring my lasso back when you're done," said Wonder Woman, grabbing the Mad Bomber's wrists and dragging him toward the door.

"Here, buddy, hold this for me," said Joker, shoving something into the Mad Bomber's hands suddenly.

"What's this?" asked the Mad Bomber. "Looks like a Kenner toy of Luke Skywalker…"

There was an explosion and a blinding flash of light, and when everyone opened their eyes, only a smoking crater remained where the Mad Bomber had stood.

"That's for Mark," said Joker, beaming. "Nobody insults him on my watch."

"What in Hera's name is wrong with you people?!" shouted Wonder Woman. "Exploding toys, falling pumpkins, random acts of violence – I honestly don't know how you deal with this every night, Batman!"

"Forget it, Wonder Woman," muttered Batman, dragging the inmates out the door. "It's Gotham City."


	9. Chapter 9

"Yes, all right, but get here soon, won't you?" asked Crane. He hung up the telephone and returned to the Rec Room in Arkham Asylum.

"What did Tetchy say?" asked Joker.

"He said he'd figure out a way to break us out soon," said Crane, sitting down in annoyance and folding his arms across his chest. "Of course I don't know what soon means – we have three more hours until Halloween is over and I haven't caused even a bit of mayhem and it's driving me insane."

"You're here because you're insane, genius," snapped Ivy.

"I don't want to hear another word out of you," snapped Crane, rounding on her. "You've said quite enough tonight!"

"Yeah, but I wanna know who Red was talking about," said Harley. "This woman you met when I started college and who you've been pining for for ten years. I'm just trying to think of anyone it could be, any girl who started the same year as me. I don't remember you talking much to anyone except me…let's see…was it Dana? Chelsea, the cheerleader? Isabelle, that French exchange student?"

"Yes, that one," said Crane, hastily.

"Which one?" asked Harley.

"Whichever one you said last," said Crane. "Now let's just drop this, shall we?"

"Her name starts with an H," said Ivy.

"H?" repeated Harley. "I don't think we had any H's in my class aside from me…"

"Geez, hun, you just keep dancing around this," chuckled Joker. "Keep guessing."

"No, let's not," said Crane.

"You know who it is, Mr. J?" asked Harley.

"Yeah, everyone kinda does," said Joker, smiling at Crane. "But I'm not gonna be the one to give away the punchline. At least, not until the time when it can cause the most embarrassment to all involved."

"Jonathan, I must say, I'm relieved to see you back here for Halloween," said Dr. Leland, entering the room at the moment. "If you're in here, it means you can't cause trouble out there, and people might actually be able to enjoy their Halloween for once."

"Except me," muttered Crane. "I should think you would be a little concerned about my health and happiness, considering you're my doctor and I'm in here in order to improve my mental health. Which is not being helped by this stupid guessing game!"

"Geez, I'm sorry, Johnny," said Harley. "You're right – that is really insensitive of your feelings. You shouldn't have to tell me who she is if you're not ready. What kinda shrink, let alone friend, would I be if I pressured you into something like that? We should all try to be a little more considerate of each other, especially at this time of year."

"It's Halloween," retorted Ivy.

"Yeah, but that means less than two months to Christmas!" exclaimed Harley, beaming. "Which is the best holiday ever!"

"Yeah, it's never too early to start planning my holiday scheme for Batsy," said Joker. "You know I think it's the highlight of the year for the poor guy – he must get really bummed out by the fact that he doesn't have any friends or family to share the season with. But I can't help but feel a lot of that is his own fault."

"I have my fingers crossed that you guys won't be outta here by Christmas," said Dr. Leland. "I hope our security isn't that bad that you can break out in a couple months, although I realize how hollow and empty that hope is when I say it out loud," she sighed. "I'll be back in five minutes to start therapy – does anyone need anything before I get back?"

"Halloween candy," said Joker.

"I really don't think giving you sugar is a good idea," said Dr. Leland.

"I really don't think ignoring my request is a good idea," retorted Joker. "If you don't give kiddies candy, they get really nasty and throw temper tantrums. Do you really wanna see my temper tantrum? I can guarantee you, it'll be a lot worse than egging or TPing the house."

Dr. Leland sighed heavily. "I'll find some candy," she muttered.

She shut the door to the Rec Room, and Ivy sighed, reaching for the TV remote. "Maybe they'll have _Little Shop of Horrors_ on, it being Halloween and all," she said. "I love that movie, not only because the plant wins, but because the abusive sadist who beats his girlfriend gets chopped up and fed to a hungry plant. I keep hoping for that dream to come true – I've even bred the man-eating plant and everything. Maybe next year," she added, glancing at Joker.

There was a blinding flash of light, and something suddenly appeared in the center of the Rec Room. "What the hell is that?" demanded Joker.

"I don't know," said Crane. "It says _Police Box_ …"

"I can read, nerd!" snapped Joker. "But first off, those went the way of the fax machine, and second off, they were never blue, at least not in this country…"

The door of the police box opened and Jervis Tetch stepped out. "You're not to ask me how I got this," he said. "Just get in so we can get out of here before anyone sees it."

"Nah uh, I ain't stepping into anything to do with the police," retorted Joker.

"It's nothing to do with the police – it's the TARDIS!" exclaimed Tetch. Everyone just looked blankly at him. "It's the space and time traveling machine from _Dr. Who_ ," he explained.

"You actually bought a life-size replica of it from the Comic Con?" asked Ivy.

Tetch looked uncomfortable. "Yes," he said at last. "Yes, it's a…replica. But I'm actually…borrowing it from a friend, and I promised to give it back as quickly as possible, so just climb in, everyone."

Everyone obeyed. "Wow, it's a lot bigger on the inside," commented Harley.

"Yes, that's the TARDIS for you," said Tetch, about to pull the door shut. Dr. Leland re-entered the room at that moment with a bowl of candy, which she dropped, along with her jaw, in astonishment.

"Oh my God, it's the TARDIS!" she exclaimed. "Which means the Doctor is here, which means my lifelong dream of becoming a companion is actually about to come true…"

She trailed off when she noticed Tetch standing by the door. "Oh. You're not the Doctor," she said. "Or are you? Have I been treating the Doctor?" she asked, growing excited again.

"No, sorry to disappoint you, Dr. Leland," he said. "But it's wonderful to meet another fan – who's your favorite Doctor?"

"No time," snapped Ivy, grabbing the door and slamming it shut.

"We actually do have unlimited time, being in a time machine…" began Tetch.

"I don't – I have to fear gas this entire city in the next three hours before Halloween ends!" interrupted Crane. "So let's move!"

"Yes, all right," sighed Tetch, heading over to the controls. "I suppose it's best we use this as little as possible – God knows what damage could be done to the space-time continuum if the likes of the Joker got ahold of this."

"I don't want your nerd machine – I can cause enough damage on my own without help from anyone else," retorted Joker.

"He sure can," purred Harley, settling herself in his lap and kissing him.

"I'll drop you all off in central Gotham, shall I?" asked Tetch. "And then I have to get this back to its rightful owner before anyone notices it's missing. Although I am hoping I can ask for some tips in building my own time machine – I think that would be a nice thing to have one of these days."

"Well, if you ever do invent one, can we go back in time and erase this Halloween from ever happening, please?" demanded Crane. "Honestly, next year I am planning this a lot better, with no plant-obsessives or friends of the Joker's to distract from my genius schemes."

"Yeah, fear gassing the city again – what a genius," said Joker, rolling his eyes. "Personally, I think the audience appreciated a little light-hearted break for Halloween this time around. I know I did."

"What audience?" demanded Crane. "What are you talking about?"

"Nothing, Johnny," chuckled Joker. "Nothing at all. Just hold on to your hats, folks - I got a feeling it's gonna be a bumpy ride."

 **The End**


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